My Favorite...

Don't we all love to list our favorite things? I know I do. There's just something about claiming what your favorite things are that feels like you're staking your claim on your identity. Lavender and pink are my favorite colors. I think we've all established ladybugs are a favorite of mine. Contemporary Christian music is my favorite. Romantic comedies are my favorite movies. Even if you don't know me in real life, from that listing you can get a little insight into what makes me tick. Having "favorites" is a fun way of proclaiming who we are. But there is a bad side to having favorites, especially if that information leaches itself out, either directly or indirectly. Certain favorites equal a great big "ouch". You may wonder what on earth I'm talking about at this point...

Have you or anyone you've cared about been a favorite child? Or much worse...NOT been that favorite child? I know I have been on the receiving end of this equation in my life. I have had people I care about share their experience with it as well. My husband and I were having a conversation about our life experiences recently, and it really got me thinking about how this effects who we are and who we become. More than that it made me realize how I never ever want my children to experience this in any way by any person in their lives. It just plain hurts. It stinks. I can understand feeling closer to one person than another...that's just the nature of relationships. But for one child to feel like they are not as good as another because of different characteristics they possess, that's simply heartbreaking. Whether a child is told that another is the favorite, or whether he/she perceives it based on the attitudes and treatment received by the favorite child, this dynamic changes the shape of who we are. It can damage how we see ourselves. It causes a pain, shame and resentment on the inside that is difficult to heal.

We are all created differently for a reason. We are individuals, crafted by God Himself. He gives us the characteristics we will need for our individual journey. While He gives one person a calm disposition, He may give another a boisterous personality. While one seems born to be patient and even-tempered, another may come into this world with a strong voice to assure their needs are made well known. None of these traits are "good" or "bad"...they just are what they are. They were given to each person for a reason known by the One who created them. Being a parent, you quickly learn that children are not formed with cookie cutters. What works with one child may not work with another. And while some children take more energy and seem more challenging to raise, they are not in any way "worse" than the children who some may dub the "good" ones who cooperate and make less waves. Looking at the more challenging children, I see God giving them characteristics that will serve them well later in life. Traits designed to help the parent grow and mature. When the parent can look at that child and see the potential inside them, they can help that child to flourish in unimaginable ways. If the same parent sees that child in a less desirable light, they can squelch the very things that, if nurtured, could have become greatness. They may be missing out on a valuable opportunity to hone their own character as well as that of the child's. They could be damaging the foundation of what could have been a beautifully strong relationship. How unfortunate.

My heart's desire is to parent my children creatively, with each one's individual traits and personality in mind. God blessed me with two very unique, special little people and the responsibility to shape them and help them grow to the best of my abilities. Every decision their father and I make effects them in one way or another. Every situation I expose them to has the potential to change who they will become. What an awesome responsibility! The enormity of it is overwhelming sometimes. Without God to help me I can't fathom how I could manage, but with Him to guide me I have what I need to help them find their wings in this world. What an amazing thing to be a part of! I am so blessed that God gave me two little miracles He specifically created just for my husband and I. When I asked Him for children He gave me exactly who I was supposed to have. It doesn't get much better than that. And I will let you in on a little secret...they are both my favorites.